Finding My Voice and My Tribe

So, I have never written a blog, I don’t even journal. I started to once, but never really followed through with it. I haven’t even followed any blogs until now.  I love to read and have a few favorite authors, but I rarely take the time to read for enjoyment. I rarely take the time to do something I “want” to do as opposed to what I “need” to do. Work and life have always taken over and I haven’t found my passion, my life’s dream so to speak. When I think about what would make me happy and what I want to “do”, I have always had this little small voice that tells me, “you should be a writer, you have a voice, let it out, let it shine.” I have dreamed of being a “published author” for over 20 years now and haven’t taken any steps towards accomplishing that dream. I really have no experience other than writing papers in high school and college and I enjoyed it then. (Much more than getting up in front of people to do a speech or presentation) As a matter of fact I took two English Composition classes in college to get the proper credits instead of taking just one Speech class to fulfill the same requirement. I struggle with what I would write about, who would my tribe be and how do I get started. In the past 5 years or so, three personal friends of mine have written books. Two published E-books and one is still working on getting hers published. Until I saw their manuscripts, I had no idea that they were writers, writing or even had an interest in writing a book. For each friend I was happy, excited, pleasantly surprise, but most of all JEALOUS! They were doing what I wanted to do. I don’t know if I finally got to this point (starting this course and beginning the journey to becoming a writer) because of my jealousy but I know that it was certainly part of it.

Looking back at my life, I can say that I have been pretty lucky. I haven’t had to deal with any truly traumatic events. I guess my entrance into this world could be considered traumatic for my parents and grandparents anyways, as I do not remember it. I was born with a defect that caused my esophagus to be connected to one of my lungs instead of to my stomach. I underwent life saving surgery when I was just hours old and survived and thrived in the years to follow. I had good parents who provided a safe and loving home, food on the table and all the things that I needed and most of what I wanted to have. I got a good education and have several wonderful friends who have been in my life 20-30 years. Life hasn’t been perfect, as my first marriage of almost 13 years ended in a divorce after infidelity and dishonesty fractured our bond. I learned through that failure that my happiness did matter and it’s not being selfish to want to be happy. Sometimes I feel like I have been unusually blessed and don’t deserve the life I have. I feel like I am constantly waiting for the other “shoe to drop”. I gave birth to two beautiful daughters who amaze and impress me every day and after finding the love of my life 7 years ago, I also gained two wonderful stepdaughters. One of which has given my husband and I a little miracle we call our granddaughter, Jaelynn.

At times I feel guilty that I have not had the trials that others have had. I think that is why I struggle with what I should write about and how can I help other people. I haven’t gone through great struggles, been homeless, addicted, lost or out of control. I just sort of blend in, work to provide for my family and feel like I have never really “made a difference” in anyone’s life. This is what I need help with. Finding my niche, my tribe. Who can I encourage, who can I teach, who can I inspire? What is my voice?

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